1989 – I’m born. Parents name me Pranav Pathak. Changed it to Akshar 2 months later.
1993 – My parents tried losing me at the Sarojini Nagar market. But I was always very good at finding them.
1994 – Started kindergarten. Slept with hotwheels underneath my pillow. I used to have a voice like Justin Bieber…then I turned Five. Till then, people thought I was cute; not once after this.
1995 – Cool kids at school, who had cable tv, talked about Boogie-Woogie while I could only watch Srimaan Shrimati on Doordarshan. Won the first (of many hence on) painting competition. Always envied the kids who had the 64 count camel crayons. Had to ask in shame if I needed a skin-coloured crayon. Got bit by a monkey in Agra. Have been scared of monkeys ever since.
1996 – Realized that ‘ullu ka patha’ is not the biggest swear word in the world. Owned the coolest Dragon Ball-z pencil box ever. Even though I had no idea what Dragon Ball-z was, back then. Used to pour shots of Canada Dry in the bottle cap.
1997 – Ate 3 packets of lays a day to collect the Tazos. Watched Titanic. Got curious about what they were doing in the car. Best friend in school tried explaining what sex is. I didn’t believe him.
1998 – Got a computer at home. Started playing Bow and Arrow. And Mario. And ‘Dave’. Could never cross the 8th Level. Had read all Tinkle/ Goosebumps/ Animorphs/ Tintin books by now. Watched cartoon network all day long. Wondered while watching The Jetsons, if my car will ever fold up into a briefcase. Survived on Crax and Fun Flips.
1999 – Got dial-up internet. Discovered online porn. Got into trouble when parents found out. Learnt how to erase browsing history soon and all had been fine since then. Realized there’s no reason to hate girls. Used to think condoms are for HAVING kids.
2005 – Took my tenth boards. Forced parents to buy me a cell-phone before the boards results came out – Just in case. Batman doesn’t check the sky as much as I checked my new phone.
2006 – Made the biggest mistake of my life by opting for PCM in the 12th. Flunked all exams for the next two years except English. A friend helped me with physics. I was only a Bodhi tree away from enlightenment. Figured since I’m clearly not photogenic I have earned the moral rights to use photoshop.
2007 – Finished with school. First cigarette. Got admission into NIFT. Learnt how to drive, although driving is like third on my list of things to do while I’m driving.
2009 – Watched enough movies to make ones eyes bleed. The only 24 Hour light source in my room was the laptop screen. Was made to step aside at airport security checks since my goatee made me look like a terrorist.
2010- Broke my ankle – first fracture of my life. Spent a month in bed eating kfc chicken buckets and watching LOST. Spent four college years worrying about attendance shortage. First Internship (Nike) First paycheck:– Rs. 7500/-
2011 – Graduated. Got a job.
2012- Minimal Bollywood Posters happened. Got published in about 90 newspapers and magazines. Gave a few TEDx talks. I face stage fright in public restrooms, so all this was relatively this was much bigger. Put up an Exhibition at IHC. Life was about to be all about champagne, coke and throwing tv’s out of windows from then on. Not. Met the girl of my dreams. There’s almost no scary movie left that we haven’t watched together. Our favorite is probably ‘The Cabin in the Woods‘. We plan to travel around the globe and cover most of the countries within the next five years. Then we get married and have kids. Cos the amount of times I’ve had to say NO! to facebook games and events invitations, has totally prepared me to be a father already. Started working at Zomato.
2013 – Tweetard happened. Facebook started looking more like hahahahhahawhythefuckaremyfriendsgettingmarriedsoearlybook. Now I run TWO facebook pages better than most people run one. It’s true. I’m not bragging. I’m just telling you people that I don’t have a life.